Ask The DKC Characters!
by Alex Sambora
Summary: Got questions you know Nintendo and/or Nintendo Power probably wouldn't answer? Get a chance to have them answered! Humor/Horror because of the horror that people have with questions! In the new chapter, Wrinkly almost gets in a fight with Chuck Norris!
1. Introduction And The Author's Questions

_**Ask The DKC Characters!**_

Disclaimer:Y'know the drill.I only own Mokie and Sasuke.

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Mokie:Welcome to Ask The DKC Characters!I'm your host,Mokie!

Sasuke:I'm Chosen One Stage One,Sasuke!I originated from Manax of Konoha's _A Quest In Time_!

Mokie:Alright,so we already know the one's you can ask(i.e.,all characters from DKC to DK Barrel Blast),so let's get started!First off,our authoress,Manax of Konoha has some questions.

Sasuke:Alright,Mokie,first question from her please.

**Wrinkly,your appearence has been the same ever since King Of Swing.Why?**

Wrinkly:You're always wondering that!

Shigeru Miyamoto:Actually,when King of Swing came out,I had finally made a decision to keep her like she is today.

Cranky:Where'd you come from?

**Everyone from games DKC2 to DK64,what would be the most idiotic and stupidest thing you would ever do?**

Funky:I'd get a life.

Lanky:Me too.

Chunky:I'd get some excercise.

Wrinkly:You'd have to let me think about that.It's very sudden!

DK:I'd buy a banana.

Sasuke:DK you have a very bad obssesion over bananas!

Cranky:I'd stop being mean to DK.

Mokie:It's your whole occupation(sp?)!

K.Rool:I'd stop trying to destroy DK Isle and do the same thing as Chunky.

Everyone dies of laughter.

Kiddy:I would start talking more often then people want me to.

Sasuke:Remember,Kiddy,children are to be seen and not heard.

Dixie:I'd stop being such a tomboy.

Tiny:I'd date Funky.

Funky:Don't give me images...

Diddy:I'd dump Dixie and date Tiny.

Sasuke and Dixie:That would get you killed.

Candy:I'd dump DK and date Funky.

Sasuke has to splash water onto Funky and DK to wake them up.

Wrinkly:I'd stop scolding(sp?)Cranky for being mean to DK.

Cranky:Finally!

**DK,what made you want to save your father from Mario?Everyone knows the series would be better without him.**

Cranky:Hey!

DK:Well,I knew he was in danger.Besides,I had been a coward,and was always pushed around by Funky and the other kids that were around my age and called "chicken blood" because of it.But the inccident(sp?)with Mario made me snap.Put Cranky in danger and your _dead meat_.

Funky:Dude,I would never call you that nor would I push you around!

Wrinkly:Oh,really?As I recall,I always had to get you off his back!Almost literally one time...

**Cranky,why are you less annoying these days?**

Wrinkly:Yes,why is that?(gives Cranky a confused look)

Cranky:Because your dead.

Wrinkly's jaw drops(anime-style).

Mokie:Alright,so before things get a little weirder...(looks at Wrinkly and Cranky)

Sasuke:We're goin' to close up for the time being!Bye!

A/N:That sucked...R+R.


	2. Wrinkly's Hostileness And Unnecessary Qs

SxRF:NO OWN.

MoK:We only own Mokie,Shawie,and Sasuke,is what SxRF is trying to say.

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Chapter 2-There's Unnecessary Questions In Here and Wrinkly's Being Hostile!What The (beep)?!

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Shawie:Hi guys!

Sasuke:Sorry about the long hiatus,but the authoress(s)'s mom's laptop kept on freezing.

Mokie:Anyway,our first question is from Silver Horror.

**Wrinkly,how did you meet Cranky and was that a stupid question?**

Wrinkly:Blame Barack Obama.

Cranky:And if any of you think about asking me the same question,I'll give you your answer JOHN MCCAIN.

Wrinkly:And,no,it's not a stupid question.

Mokie:T.T Anyway...Our next question comes from kiddykongcountry.

**Swanky,do you still have s csp on your head over your gisnt afro?And Diddy,your Super Sluggers card said you like to stack your team with Dixie AND Tiny whenever you that true?**

Swanky:It's a jheri curl!IT'S A (beep)ING JHERI CURL!!!...And it depends on whether you're talking about the SNES or GBA version.

Shawie:Swanky,I think kiddykongcountry means the SNES version.

Diddy:Yeah,it's true,kiddykongcountry.

Mokie:Hey,guys!Me,Shawie,and Sasuke have questions too.

DK:T.T OK...

Cranky:So?

Wrinkly:(elbows Cranky in the stomache to get him to shut up)Go ahead and don't mind if you guys have questions.

Shawie:Xie xie(sheh sheh(thank you))!

Sasuke:OK,here's my question.

**Cranky,Wrinkly,why did you two marry each other?**

Wrinkly:_ HUH?!

Cranky:Oh!You really wanna know?^.^

Wrinkly:Well...it's quite complicated.O.o

Cranky:But we'll tell you anyway!^__^ It's because--

The camera suddenly tips over,causing the screen to show prettiful colors and then the following message to appear on the screen:

WE ARE HAVING SOME TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES,SO PLEASE ENJOY A WORD FROM OUR SPONSER!

IHATEYOU,YOUHATEME!LET'SHANGBARNEYFROMATREE!WITHAGREATBIGGUN,WE'LLSHOOTHIMINTHEHEAD!AREN'TYOUGLADTHATBARNEY'SDEAD?

(Translation---I hate you,you hate me!Let's hang Barney from a tree!With a great big gun,we'll shoot him in the head!Aren't you glad that Barney's dead?)

The camera screen comes back to the is grinning,Wrinkly's hand is over her eyes,and everyone else's faces are green.

Sasuke/Mokie/Shawie:O__O .FRICKIN'.GOD.

DK:Wait,_that's_ the reason you two got married?!

Funky:Holy crap...

Everyone else(_including_ the readers):O____O(sweatdrop,sweatdrop,sweatdrp,sweatdrop,sweatdrop,sweatdrop,sweatdrop,s--(BOOM))

Sasuke:IS THIS (beep)ING TRUE?!

Cranky:(back to his ol',grumpy self)OF COURSE NOT YOU MORON!!!

Shawie:T.T Well now that Sasuke's question has been answered by our 'loveable',grumpy,old ape...

Cranky:HEY!!!

Mokie:...it's time for _my_ question.

Sasuke:(to Cranky)Haha,you were owned by a seven-year-old!

(A/N:Yes,Mokie and Shawie are seven years old.)

**Cranky,Wrinky,why did you two only have one kid?**

Cranky:By the time DK was two months old,he proved that it'd be better just to have one kid.

DK:HEY!!!

Eveyone but Cranky/Wrinkly/DK:OOOOOH BURN.

Shawie:OK,now my question is just basically something everyone(who knows that Cranky is the original Donkey Kong(y'know,the one from the arcade games),that is)wants to know.

**Why did you two name DK 'Donkey Kong Jr.'?**

Wrinkly:What the fu...Why would the DKC fans wonder _that_?!

DK:Actually,_I've_ been wondering that too.

Cranky:(to DK)Shut it,flea-bag!(to Wrinkly)Just tell them!You know they won't stop until either Nintendo/Rare and/or me and you tell them.

Wrinkly:Well...I guess--

Cranky:Tell them!

Wrinkly:Cr--

Cranky:JUST FREAKING TELL THE SONS OF B--

Wrinkly:I GOT IT THE FIRST TIME YOU FREAKING TOLD ME!!!

Cranky:...

Wrinkly:(to others)Well,since Cranky just won't shut his trap,(glares at said old ape,grins evily)_he'll_ explain!

Cranky:What the fu...Why should _I_ tell them?!

Wrinkly:Would you like to speak to Kong Resources?(points at Sumo Kong)

Cranky:O.O (sweatdrops)OK,OK!I'll tell them!

Wrinkly:I'm glad you see it my way!^_^ (in hostile tone,holding the tip of MoK's Blue Slash Blade an inch away from his back,evil grin)NOW TELL THEM,MONKEY BOY!!!

Cranky:(hiding the fact that he is currently scared of Wrinkly's authority)Well,before DK was born,we had both agreed that if our first kid was a boy,we'd name him 'Donkey Kong Jr.'...That,and Nintendo randomly chose to do that.

Wrinkly:And what did we decide to name him if he were a girl?

Cranky:Um...Icarus...Which is weird because that's a boy's name...

Shawie,Sasuke,and Mokie turn to Wrinkly in order to confirm Cranky's explanation.

Mokie:Is this true?

Wrinkly nods.

making sure.

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MoK:YAY,WE'RE DONE.

Cranky:THAT'S NOT THE ACTUAL REASON WE NAMED DK THAT!!!

SxRF:Then why the hell did you?

Wrinkly:How the hell should _we_ know?!

MoK:_You're_ his _parents_!

Cranky:So?!

Wrinkly:Nintendo only _made_ us his parents in DK64!In the _other_ games,we're his _grand_parents,you baka(idiot/moron/jack(beep))!

MoK:Ol' bat!

Wrinkly:Horrible excuse for an author's counterpart!

MoK:I know your face is!

Everyone but MoK/Wrinkly/Cranky/SxRF:OOOOOH BURN.

Wrinkly:Shut up!

MoK:Make me!

Wrinkly:Slut!

MoK:Whore!

Wrinkly:Baka no tebayo(stupid bitch)!

MoK:Baka no teme(stupid bastard)!

Wrinkly:You can't even kick a tick!

MoK:Well,_you_ can't throw a brick onto a stick!

Wrinkly:Aw,go screw yourself!

MoK:Vampire!

Wrinkly:Frankenstein!

MoK:Bill Cosby!

Everyone but MoK/Wrinkly/Shawie:OOOOH BURN.

Wrinkly:Michael Jackson!

MoK:Michael Jackson's mom!

Wrinkly:Overweight person!

MoK:Chestless!

Wrinkly:OH NO YOU JUST DID _NOT_ SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ME NOT HAVING BREASTS.

Sasuke:(sweatdrops)Um,MoK?I think she's gonna kill you.

MoK:Go screw Bazaar!

Wrinkly:Your face!

MoK:Your mom!

Wrinkly:He-she!

MoK:OH,YOU _SUCK_.

SxRF:SHADDUP!!!

Everyone looks at her.

SxRF:Listen!In the arcade games,no one knew WTF the relationship DKC thru DKL3,DK was Cranky and Wrinkly's DK64,DK was their in King Of Swing thru whatever-the-hell-the-latest-DK-game-is,NO ONE KNOWS THE (beep)ING RELATIONSHIP!!!OK?!Get my (beep)ing drift?!

Everyone nods.

just drop the (beep)ing subject and stick with one relationship.


	3. Apologies, Halloween, and Questions!

Disclaimer: I only own Shawie, Mokie, and Sasuke.

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Chapter 3-Apologies, Halloween, and Yay More Questions!

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Shawie and Mokie enter the room. Both are a bit older as it has been awhile since the last chapter of the story was posted. Surprisingly, though, the DKC characters are the same as ever seeing as very rarely in video games do they age with time.

Oddly, though, DK is dressed as a pancake, Cranky is dressed like Steve Jobs, Swanky is dressed like NicePeter, Tiny and Kiddy are dressed like Thing 1 and Thing 2, Funky is dressed like one of the Wright brothers, Chunky is dressed like the Gangnam Style guy, Candy is dressed like a bottle of syrup, Dixie is dressed like the Cat in the Hat, Wrinkly is wearing an overcoat and a tie, K. Rool is wearing samurai armor that surprisingly fits him, and it seems someone talked Sasuke into dressing as Sasuke Uchiha.

Shawie/Mokie: What the hell?

DK: Halloween is near.

Shawie: So you being a pancake and Candy being a bottle of syrup... is that some form of innuendo?

Candy: ...No.

Cranky: Yes. Especially since she's Mrs. Butterworth syrup.

Silence.

Wrinkly: ...Anyway, are there more questions?

Mokie: Yes, actually, and the first one is directed at the authoress. It's from Captain Bones and it says...

**Will there be more chapters? I have some questions for Diddy and Dixie. And will we be able to ask questions to King K. Rool and his reptilian troops?**

Shawie: Does this chapter answer the first one?

Mokie: And yes you can.

There is a sudden rumbling.

Swanky: OH SHIT SASUKE RUN IT'S THE UCHIHA FANGIRLS!

Sasuke: But I haven't had any lines yet!

Swanky: I SAID RUN BITCH!

Sasuke runs away and there is a silence.

Wrinkly: (looks at Swanky)Well that was completely pointless.

Swanky: (points out the window)Was it?

Wrinkly looks out the window. Sure enough, Sasuke is getting chased down by rabid fangirls.

Wrinkly: Huh. How about that?(returns)Next question!

Mokie: OK, so it's from Master Pencil and it says...

**I would like to ask King K. Rool a question about why he wore that diaper outfit in Mario Super Sluggers.**

Shawie: We would like to take this time to remind the readers that we have never played Super Sluggers so the answer may be less than satisfactory.

K. Rool: I've done some things I'm not proud of...

Klump: Awwww. (hugs and kisses him) Do you regret me?

K. Rool: Of course not.

(A/N: Happy early birthday, Vianerd.)

Silence.

Shawie: (looks at the camera, raises an eyebrow)Can you tell it's been awhile?

Chunky: I haven't talked yet.

Funky: Me either.

Dixie/Tiny/Kiddy: Us either.

Shawie: Moving on! The next question is from Happymyster12.

**I have a question for a Krash (I think that's the name of the mine-cart one...)**

**How wouldd you feel if someone manipulated you to run over Donkey Kong, and you had to say "How are ya mate!", "Hello everybody!", or "Beautiful!" with an Australian accent?**

Krash: First, not to be rude, but I would ask where you got the idea for that. Then I would probably feel awesome.

DK: Well!

Krash: Shut up, pancake.

Cranky: MOVING ON BEFORE DK POUNDS THE CRAP OUT OF KRASH...

Mokie: Right. This one is from an anonymous review who only put 'Nin' as their name. There actually four questions and they are...

**K. Rool, why do you always go after DK's banana hoard in every game? And why do you want to destroy their island so bad?**

**Candy, out of all the characters in the game, why the heck did you choose DK?**

**Cranky... will you send me a potion that could give me the awesome powers the other Kongs get, like in DK64?**

**Wrinkly, how did you die?**

K. Rool: Honestly, after all these years, I've forgotten why. I want to destroy the island because they keep foiling my plans.

Candy: It was dark.

Cranky: Maybe. If you pay me. Ask me later.

Wrinkly: Chuck Norris.

Silence.

Mokie: Really?

Wrinkly: Hell no! (notably hesitant) Maybe the subject is... a little touchy for me and I don't want to talk about it...

Chuck Norris enters.

Chuck: Was I paged?

Dixie: No.

Chuck: 'Kay.

He leaves.

Shawie: O... K... Our final question comes from mb7 and mb6. It says...

**dk whats your opinion on the other kongs?**

DK: I'd rather not say in public but I like a majority of them.

Wrinkly/Cranky: Bitch!

DK: Especially them. They're my parents.

Mokie: Well, that's all the questions we have for now, folks. Please review with any questions you'd like to ask!

Shawie: Now if you all; will excuse us, my sister and I have to go find Sasuke.

She drags Mokie out by the shirt collar.


End file.
